I met with Dr. Fox at 2:00PM and he brought us back into his office. He gave me a hug and my warrior face collapsed in tears. He said that things didn’t look good for the baby. I told him that the blue dye never came out on the pad I was supposed to wear, only when I urinated as if this was some sort of beacon of hope. He was confused as to why the dye was coming from my urine but it didn’t seem like the beacon of hope I was desperately clawing for. He advised us to get another ultrasound to check for improvement and to take time to process the information. I asked him if there was any hope, and he said very very little. He said for now, continue with bed rest and drink water.
We went home and updated our families and close friends. I cried. I drank water. Watched a knitting tutorial and began knitting my scarf. Cried. Drank water. Binge watched Portlandia with Casey. Drank Gatorade. Read. Took a nap. Drank water. Drank Gatorade. Snuggled with my dog. Drank Water. Went to bed.
At 11:30PM I felt a gush of fluid and I ran to the bathroom, leaking a trail of blood. I swore I leaked a gallon of fluid (In my head it seemed this much…realistically…probably not so much). For someone who was just told that they had barely any amniotic fluid, I gushed a TON. I woke Casey up and we just in the car and headed to the ER. We went straight to Labor and Delivery and checked in. At this point, I felt like all of the crying and talking earlier helped me come to terms with what we were potentially facing. In fact, I was pretty stoic for the first hour. I changed into a gown expecting to go into labor and give birth to our little girl. They did an ultrasound and the baby still had a heartbeat but my amniotic fluid was measuring at 1.7. I was still heavily bleeding so they kept me in L&D. The doctor asked me what I wanted to do. My choices: induce labor, schedule a D&E, go home and wait. I was still feeling the baby kick so Casey and I just decided to let nature take it’s course and the baby can come when she’s ready. The good news however was that the baby WAS in fact making amniotic fluid, which was the concern doctors had last time. The problem is, my body isn’t keeping the fluid.
We were released from the hospital at 6:22AM, which was the exact same time my childhood best friend (who had NO idea what was going on) sent me a text saying, “I had the most vivid dream that you were having a baby girl.” I stared at the text and started to cry.