Anyway, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with a healthy BOY! So far this pregnancy feels completely different than when I was pregnant with Robyn. My belly is huge, I experienced little to no morning sickness, and I haven't craved a single strawberry pop-tart (which was my last pregnancy staple). However, as to be expected, I've been experiencing more anxiety about this pregnancy. The trauma from the last pregnancy has an impact on this one, but I try to reframe it as a gift. I sometimes think that when I feel anxious it's Robyn trying to make sure her baby brother is safe. Whenever a parent/friend/family member experiences the heartbreak of loss, I think that the idealized view of pregnancy is shattered. With my very first pregnancy, I felt almost like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music spinning around on an open green field with snow capped mountains in the backdrop. Pregnancy was pure bliss and I was ready to sing my way through the next 9 months. However, after a miscarriage and a late term loss, pregnancy became a different story. I'm sorry Julie Andrews, but i'm hiding in a bunker in complete armor trying to protect myself for the next 4 months. Any war musicals out there?
Despite the anxiety, which again I accept as normal, this pregnancy has ultimately been great. It feels like our dreams of becoming parents will be a reality and not something so far in the distance.
Bring on those sleepless nights and dirty diaper changes! We're ready!