I couldn't have been more surprised when I saw the pregnancy test read "Pregnant". In fact, I took 4 more tests just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. I felt like after losing Robyn, my body would never be ready to grow a baby. I feel like my body is ready to move forward just as I have mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Forgiveness and acceptance have been key in facilitating this growth. I'm thankful for my friends and family in holding my hand and being such nurturing souls during this time.
As much as I want to shout from the rooftops that I am with child, I'm so hesitant. I feel like I have lived such an ugly side of pregnancy. I've seen friends struggle with fertility, have miscarriages, stay in the hospital for extended periods of time due to severe complications, and lose babies in the 3rd trimester. That side of pregnancy is full of heart ache, pain, and trauma. However, I have seen the beautiful side of pregnancy as well. Up until 20 weeks, I loved being pregnant with Robyn. I look at the beautiful children and babies that my friends have and my heart is filled with joy. I know it's worth it. A lot of times, it's the things that make us feel most vulnerable that honor us with the most joy. :-)